For the past 18 years of my school-aged life, it has been ingrained in my very being that school is important. Graduating from college will get me any opportunity I could set my mind to. I could do anything my little heart desired.

Why couldn't anybody tell me that this was a lie?

Why WOULDN'T anybody tell me?

I've been putting my energy into something that doesn't seem attainable. I have set a goal that will take me three more years to complete.

I'm fine with all that.

But no one else is.

Apparently my education is not a good enough priority when I still don't have a license and I still live at home.

So, after starting a new job last week, and after my first week of school, I just wanted to be lazy in front of the TV in the living room.

It's my ONLY day off this week.

"I just wanna sit down"
"Why can't she just take a nap in her own room?"
"You know I don't like sitting in your chair"

What am I?  I STILL feel like a visitor in my own home.

I don't get it.  I get a job so she'd stop bitching.  But she still bitches about having to find me transportation (when she specifically SAID that if I got a job, she'll find me the way to it) and she still bitches about me being lazy.

Okay, mom, listen to this:

I wake up at 6:30 every morning.
I'm in school from 8 am until 3:40 pm.
I go straight to work (usually without going home) at 5.
I get off work at 10.

I have 14 hours of classes (though I'm at Wake Tech for much longer than that), and I'm working 25 hours a week.  I just wanna veg.

There's no FUCKING way you can get away with calling me lazy now.  So STFU, and get outta my face.

So the parents asked me to stay home for dinner, since it's been a little more than three weeks since I had dinner with them.

We have Cookout.  I don't like it, but I'll stomach it.

They bitched at me for looking up the menu so I could decide on what to get that wasn't going to be disgusting.

During dinner, which was in front of the television, watching the news, every time I laughed or talked, mom would huff and puff like I was doing the wrong thing.

I'm just sick of feeling like a tennant in my home than a part of the family.

No wonder I'm always hanging out with Stephen.

Movie review:  The Orphan

In 25 words or less:

A twist so strange it makes M. Night Shyamalan cream his panties.

I wanna go to Charleston again.

I find it strange that smaller staffing companies post job "openings" on larger job search sites.  You "apply" with them, and they send you a password or whatever to look up more jobs.  I mean, it's smart for them.  But it's just twenty times more time consuming, and it's not like you're really getting anywhere.

Suze Orman says to not look solely online, and to find a career (not a job) in the field in which you studied.

Well, I haven't a clue what I want to study in... well, that's not true.  I have an idea, it's whether I'll have the drive to actually finish it is the key...

I guess what I'm getting at is how can I go job hunting when I don't have transportation or the time?

I don't have very much hope in this.  It's not that the economy sucks, it's that I haven't even gotten a nibble from fast food and retail places.  And I've gone door to door.  This is very stressful for me.  I'm not sure how I'll be able to cope with another semester of job hunting.

I get bored very easily.  And boredom leads to depression.  I start thinking of myself as less than what I am, and that's never healthy.  I tend to shy away from anything, to lock myself away.  And in turn, I get labeled as "lazy".  I'm not lazy if there's nothing for me to do.

I just want a job so I can get out and do something.

Sound of Music rehearsals started on Saturday.  I already have all my music memorized!  Yay!  Anyway, the only thing that proves difficult is the dancing.

Yes.

Dancing.

"But Emily, you're a nun.  Nuns don't dance."

Nope, but party guests do!  So, Saturday, they taught us the Laendler dance.  It's a folk dance, and the steps are simple.  I FINALLY got it almost perfect, and tonight, I got to pair  up with a partner.  Larry Cox.  He's awesome.  And everything worked out fine.  We got all the steps.  We even tried to work on some stylistic things in the sequence.

The top of the scene starts and the director decides it would be cute to have all the part guests waltzing in.

Emily doesn't dance.  Much less waltz.  So I faked it.

And I got super duper dizzy.  Does anyone know how to stop that, or help it?


 

Good:  I get to meet the rest of the cast today!

Bad:  I woke up to my wet spot on the ceiling growing.

Good:  So far there's no drippage *knock on wood*

Bad:  Laundry day after rehearsal.

Good:  Rehearsal's only a half hour today!


Yay!  At least there are more "goods" today!

Wake Tech raised its tuition from $35 per semester hour to $50 per hour.

I needed at least 16 this semester...

After Sound of Music, I can only afford 12 hours.

I just hope I can get in the classes I need most.

• I'm not a nurse or a nurse's assistant.
• I'm not a teacher.
• I can't speak Spanish (fluently, I'm trying to learn).
• I can't do hair, nails, or brows.
• I'm not a massage therapist.
• I can't drive.
• I don't have 2 years experience as a medical receptionist.
• I don't have ANY experience as a receptionist.
• I'm not a dental hygenist.
• I'm not a bartender or a chef.
• I'm not a construction worker, plumber, or HVAC certified.
• I'm not a CPA.
• I don't like talking to people on the phone.
• I don't like selling things.
• I don't live in Durham, Chapel Hill, or High Point.
• I can't work during the day if I want to go to school.
• I can't go to school if I get a job during the day (though the pay is a lot nicer).
• I can't pay for loans if I don't go to school.
• I can't afford to pay for tuition to go to school.
• I can't get a job without a car.

I guess I'm just not cut out to be a working girl.

On a much brighter note... Check out my new blog!  100daysofcrafts.blogspot.com

~ Mom suggesting I should get the yummy-looking salad at dinner.
~ Emailing sixteen different places on craigslist about jobs and getting nothing back.
~ Riding in a car with my 20 year old brother driving because I don't have my license.
~ Riding in a car that my 20 year old brother bought and having him brag about getting a GPS in the car.
~ Not being able to see past a few yards because you haven't had your eyes checked since 8th grade.
~ Getting purged for the second time for non-pay because a glitch in communication caused me to be late in turning in my financial aid.
~ Having to pay out of pocket for tuition.
~ Not having any money to pay for tuition.
~ Having to re-register for classes.
~ Gaining weight instead of losing every time I go on a new diet.
~ Listening to mom boast about losing 6lbs in two days because she has diarrhea.
~ Feeling guilty whenever Stephen buys dinner or movie tickets because I can't pay.
~ Getting into a fight whenever I want to eat healthy foods.
~ Not being able to walk in my room because I'm never home long enough to clean it.
~ Not allowing myself to say no to my boyfriend so I can stay home and clean or do laundry or sleep or hunt for jobs.
~ Not being able to sleep because of all this.

I'm at a loss again.  I can't sleep.  I'm not hungry.  I can't talk about this with anyone because no one understands.  I can't make a timeline or anything because I don't know where to start or how to start.  I keep wanting to make plans, but I can't follow through with them.  I can't talk to the parents about any of this because they can't help.  They won't help.  I just want to disappear.  I don't feel connected.

I just feel like I need a week to stay home and do all the things I need to do to make myself better.  No crafting, no computer, no facebook, the occasional visit with the boyfriend...

Just a week.  One week, and I can get it all to work out.

I'm gonna need all the celebrities to stop dying.

Kthanksbye.

Not that I plan on getting married any time soon, but I have decided to make my own wedding dress.

Hello?  El cheapo!

Between this: www.threadbanger.com/tb-projects/episode/THR_20090626  and this:  rowena.typepad.com/rostitchery/infinity-dress.html  I think I can come up with something great!

My official start date is June 29th, so I have four days to prepare.

Sleep:
Wake up every day at 9am.
Lights out by 11pm.

Body:
Drink 3 water bottles (from my 32 oz bottle) a day.
Do 2 sparkpeople exercise videos per day (to equal 30 minutes of activity).
Slimfast shakes/bars every 4 hours (three shakes/bars).
Start tracking points and writing them down in a notebook.

Mind:
Do 2 lessons of Spanish per day.
Meditate for 10 minutes before bed.

Beauty:
Wash face and moisturize twice a day (once before bed).

Chores:
Organize one section of my room for 30 minutes every day until clean.
My room will be clean and organized by the start date.

Saw creepy non-moving yellow lights in a pattern of three over the hwy 55 bypass around 3:20am today.

Hope the end of humanity isn't tomorrow.






Also.  Transformers 2 is a kickass movie!

Okay, so, ignore the fact that his abs are probably "enhanced" by bronzer... just LOOK at him!  I'm definitely crushing.  I'm not a huge Twilight fan.  I mean, I'm sure it would be a little bit better without Kristen Stewart (bitch can't act)... but I might consider paying money (or bandwidth - haven't decided) to see the next Twilight movie.

Yum.

So, I saw an ad for Bravo's new show, NYC Prep.  It follows the lives of a few wealthy prep school students living in the most expensive area in Manhattan.  It showcases their social life and drinking and sex and god knows what.

These are kids!  They're not supposed to be drinking!

I don't think I understand America's obsession with the wealthiest.  One of these days, I just want to see a reality tv show that focuses on a family that struggles with money and paychecks and credit card debt.  Because THAT is real life.  At least it is for me.

Another thing I don't understand is TV's obsession with glamourizing drinking and drugs and sex for the teen crowd.  I mean, sure kids are doing it.  I have no doubt about that.  But more are going to do it because of these tv shows.  Eventually, there will be a bunch of kids who grow up to be addicts, or who knows what.

I don't get it.

Sweet, mom's giving up fast food for a month, that means I can too!

Yay!  No one will get pissed at me!